Mass Effect Randomness and Other Oddities
by Michelle Clover
Summary: Just as the title implies, this is a collection of one-shots, lemons, fluff and whatever else my brain can dream up. Lately it seems like an exercise in futility to try to write anything longer than a page or two, so this is the result. Some of these fics are based on songs from my iPhone, kind of a random shuffle thing. Those fics will have the name of the song as the title.
1. The Dark Before The Dawn

**A/N-My muse seems to have taken an extended vacation and I have no idea when she is coming back. For weeks now, I have sat down with laptop in hand, trying to find the words to tell a story. Any story. Instead, I can only seem to generate jumbled thoughts. These one shots, blurbs or what have you is my attempt to get my inspiration to give me a call back. **

**Bioware owns all.**

_Two long years. That's how much time has passed. And what have I done with that time? Nothing of real importance. Nothing that made any real difference except for getting an entire squad of good men killed. Wonder what she would have said about that? _

_I've kicked myself every day for the last two years, wishing I could go back and do things differently. Praying to every god, goddess and any other deity I could think of to just let me go back, back to those days before we killed Saren. Before the Normandy was destroyed. The universe just isn't the same without her in it. _

_I was sitting behind a desk at C-sec when the news was broadcast. I went into the bathroom, sat in the furthest stall from the door and cried like a damn baby. What would my father have said if he'd seen me like that? More importantly, what would she have said? _

_Why didn't I just tell her? What was I so afraid of? She was the best friend I ever had, but I wouldn't allow myself to let it go any further than that. So she was a human. At the time it seemed like a big deal. After her death, I realized too late that it wasn't important. _

_Now I'm sitting here, rifle in hand, waiting to die. I don't care anymore. There's no reason for me to go on. It has finally dawned on me that this is what I've really wanted for the past two years. This is what my subconscious mind has been longing for. Death would be a sweet release from the pain and emptiness. _

_I look through my scope and see movement behind the barricade on the other side of the bridge. It won't be long now. They will be coming for me soon. I'll take as many out as I can, of course. Those bastards deserve it. I'm not going down without a fight, even if there is no more fight left in me. _

_What are they waiting for? Come on you scum sucking pieces of shit! Let's get this over with. I sit and press my back to the wall. I close my eyes. As usual, I see her face. Smiling at me. Damn you Shepard! Damn you for dying before I had the chance to tell you how I really felt. To tell you…never mind. It doesn't matter. _

_I hear shouting coming from the far side of the bridge. They are coming. I stand and raise my rifle. I begin picking them off one by one. I need to reload. I start to put my weapon back to my shoulder. Wait. What is that? Those three don't look like the rest of the fodder being sent in. _

_I check my scope for a closer look. Holy shit! It can't be. It's not possible. I check again. I'll be damned. I empty my gun by shooting a few of the freelancers that are trying to sneak around to the back stairs before loading it with concussive rounds and smile. I just found my will to fight and my reason to go on._


	2. The Fish Tank

The fish Shepard purchased the last time she was on the Citadel floated lifelessly at the top of the tank in her cabin.

_Ugh. What was I thinking? Now I have to clean that up._

Shepard shook her head. Nope, she wasn't going to do it. She was captain, by God, and if she couldn't order somebody to clean out her fish tank, what the hell was she doing commanding her own ship? She knew when she bought the fish, it was going to turn out this way, but she held out a small glimmer of hope that she could keep the things alive. No such luck.

There was a quiet squeak coming from the small glass cage behind her. At least the hamster was still alive. "Hey Speedy" she called out to the little guy. He was pretty cute and a lot easier to take care of than those damn fish. The sound of a beep from her intercom made Shepard jump.

"Shepard? I need to speak to you. Can I come in?"

"Sure Garrus" she replied.

She wondered if she might be able to talk him into getting the dead fish out. When the door opened and she saw the pissed off look on his face, she knew the answer would be no. "What's up?" she asked as she rested her bottom on her desk. He glanced at the tank as he began to speak.

"I wanted to talk to you about…What the hell happened to your fish?"

"They're dead."

"Well I can see that. The question is, why?"

"How the hell should I know? Do I look like a marine biologist to you?"

The truth of the matter was, she was fairly certain she knew why her unfortunate former pets were floating at the top of the tank. It had been just over a week since they left the Citadel and she only remembered feeding them the one time on the day she purchased them. It wasn't an intentional homicide, she just forgot they were there, but she certainly wasn't going to tell Garrus that.

"I just don't understand how every single one of them could have died in less than two weeks. Did you feed them?"

"Of course I fed them" she retorted. It wasn't a lie, she did feed them…once.

"Maybe it was the wrong kind of food."

"It was the stuff the clerk recommended."

Garrus folded his arms across his chest and began tapping his foot as he thought. "Maybe they were sick when you bought them," he offered. "The next time we're on the Citadel you should see if you can get your money back."

Shepard waved her hand in dismissal. "Not even worth my time."

"You should at least let the store know that they sold you sick fish."

"I'm sure someone else will tell them if it's a problem."

The turian stood there a long moment, his eyes darting between the commander and the tank. "Aren't you going to clean them out?" he finally asked.

"I'll do it later," she answered with a shrug.

"Now what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but his gaze was drawn back to the fish floating on top of the water. "Seriously, Shepard, you should really get them out of there."

"Later, Garrus" she insisted with annoyance. "Just tell me why you're here."

He sighed. "Yes, I need to talk to you about…" He stopped for a minute. "You know, I completely forgot."

A horribly evil thought came to Shepard at that moment. Garrus obviously suffered from some sort of OCD and she intended to take full advantage of that fact. "That's okay. You can catch up to me later when you remember. I have to get back down to the CIC."

"What about the fish?"

"I'll take care of them before I go to bed tonight."

"Shepard, this really needs to be dealt with now."

She smiled up at him sweetly and gave him a quick peck on his mandible as she shoved the net that had been laying on her desk into his open hand. "That's so thoughtful, Garrus. Thank you for volunteering."

If a turian was capable of blushing, Garrus's face would have been crimson at that point. "You're welcome?" he said with a baffled expression as Shepard spun on her heels and walked out of the room before he came to his senses.

As the ship's elevator made its way down, Shepard chuckled at her own brilliance. Now_ I just have to figure out a way to get him to clean out Speedy's cage and I'll be all set._


	3. All Or Nothing

**A/N- A random iPhone shuffle based fic from the song, _All or Nothing _by O-Town.**

"Shepard, I think we need to talk."

The Commander, who had been busying herself going over messages at the terminal on her desk, turned her chair. "What's up, Kaidan?"

The Major hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I just need to know where you see this thing between us going."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Kaidan scratched the side of his head. "I mean, are we lovers? Friends with benefits? Just friends?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Look, I know I was an asshole to you when we met on Horizon during the whole Collector thing. And then on Mars, I questioned your loyalty. I understand you were angry with me, but I thought we moved past all that."

She shrugged. "We did."

"It just seems that you've been, well...distant, for the past couple of weeks."

"I've just got a lot on my mind."

"I think it's more than that" he argued. "Ever since that drell died…"

"His name was Thane" she corrected with irritation in her voice.

"Okay, ever since Thane died, you've seemed to have put up a wall…a wall you won't let me through."

Shepard sat back and closed her eyes for a long moment before she finally looked at Kaidan again. "What do you want me to say? Thane was very special to me and I can't just forget about what he and I shared."

"I'm not asking you to forget about him Shepard. I understand that he was a big part of your life for a while, but ever since his death it feels like you're pushing me away."

She stared down at her hands, silent as the grave. Kaidan could see her chest rise and fall with every deep, shuddering breath and he could tell that she was doing her best not to cry. "I'm sorry" she finally whispered.

"For pushing me away or for caring more about him than me?"

"Yes" she croaked.

He sighed heavily. "I care about you, Shepard. Hell, I love you. I've tried to deny that fact for a long time, but I can't anymore. But no matter how much I love you, I can't compete with a ghost. I know it's harsh and I know it's probably not fair so soon after his death, but that's the truth of it. You're heart's either in this relationship or it isn't. I need to know that I'm number one in your life or we should just end it now and save us both a lot of heartache in the end."

When her eyes finally met his, they were glistening. A tear trickled down her cheek as she shook her head. "You're right. This isn't fair to either of us. I should have known when you first came back to the Normandy that this wasn't going to work. What we had…we can't go back there. The terrible truth of the matter is that ever since Thane died, I've been running on autopilot, going through the motions. The only thing keeping me going right now is my duty to the galaxy and winning this war. Once that's done, there will be nothing left for me except the knowledge that the man I love is waiting for me across the sea."

Kaidan blinked several times in an attempt to let her words register. He had a feeling that she was going to tell him it was over, but he never imagined it would hurt that badly. He gulped back his own tears. "Well," he managed, "I guess there's nothing more to say."

"No, there's not" she concurred. "I just hope that this won't affect our ability to work together. I'll get you a transfer if you want."

"I'd rather stay on the Normandy, if it's all the same to you Commander."

She cleared her throat then nodded, once again donning the mask that she wore so well. "Thank you, Major. You're a valuable asset to the team. I'm glad to know we won't lose you."

Without another word, she swiveled her chair to face the terminal at her desk once again, leaving Kaidan to dismiss himself. If only his heart could dismiss his feelings for her so easily.


	4. Crawl

**A/N-Fic based on the song _Crawl _by Breaking Benjamin. Lyrics by Ben Burnley.  
**

_Show me where it hurts  
And I will make it worse  
Are you holding on? Keep holding on  
Dilated eyes shine for one last time  
Are you holding on? Keep holding on  
You're not like me  
Your faceless lies  
Your weak dead heart  
Your black dead eyes  
I'll break you in, and let this die  
Your hope is gone  
And so is mine_

The choices were laid out in front of him in the form of three brilliant and different colored beams of light. According to the Catalyst, Shepard could either control the Reapers by melding his mind with one, let the machine absorb his essence and synthesize every organic being into a hybrid machine or he could destroy the machine and the Reapers along with it, ending the fifty thousand year cycle of harvest once and for all.

The Commander folded his arms across his chest and stared at each pillar of light in turn, gauging his best option. Apparently, he would die no matter what choice he made, but as always, it wasn't about him or what he wanted. It was about preserving life, saving the ones he loved, the ones he fought alongside, and the innocents who were depending on him.

He watched the blue beam for several minutes before an image of the Illusive Man crossed his mind. The Cerberus leader thought that he could control the Reapers because they told him he could. He thought of Saren and Benezia and then Dr. Kenson and her team on the Project Base along with all of the other indoctrinated people he had met over the past few years. All of them had one thing in common, they were brainwashed to believe whatever the Reapers wanted them to. Shepard shook his head. He had seen the results of the lies too many times and he refused to fall into that same trap.

His eyes turned to the green colored beam. If he took that route, his organic material would be absorbed and every being in the galaxy would become half synthetic. The Catalyst had called it a perfect solution, which made Shepard wary of it. He closed his eyes and saw his best friend, Garrus turned into one of those Marauders and then his friend Liara reduced to a Banshee. The Catalyst told Shepard that he was the first one to ever make it that far, the first one to be given the choice. Maybe this was what the Reapers were hoping for all along, to synthesize all organics so they could rule them completely. No, synthesis wasn't an option.

Finally, the Commander looked at the red beam. If he chose that path, it would lead to the destruction of not only the Reapers, but also every synthetic being in the galaxy. He thought of EDI and Legion and how they fought at his side. Then there was Tali. Since the Geth had agreed to share the Quarian home world, the machines had made medical advances that would have taken years for Tali's people to duplicate. He closed his eyes once again and the image of his lover standing on a cliff looking out over an ocean came to mind. She was no longer wearing her enviro-suit, but free to walk out in the sun without a worrying that the exposure might kill her. Destroying the Reapers would almost ensure that it would be an experience she would never have.

Shepard sighed heavily. No matter what choice he made, someone was going to lose. No matter what he did, he would be a monster, little better than those he had been fighting. The ghostly image of the boy who was the voice of the Reapers stared at him with cold black eyes.

"You must make a choice"

Shepard nodded as his shoulders slumped. He turned to the right and began hobbling toward the red beam. He had no delusions. He knew what needed to be done. The Reapers were too dangerous, too unpredictable. They had to be destroyed. He pulled his pistol from its holster and began emptying it into the pillar as his pace quickened. He wouldn't be alive to know the consequences of his actions, but neither would those damned machines. It had to end and he was going to be the one to end it. Images of those he lost along the way filled his mind. He wouldn't allow their lives to be lost in vain. Thane, Mordin, Kaidan...they all fought to get him there. They fought to destroy the Reapers.

As he took his final shot, Shepard saw Tali's face once again and she smiled at him, telling him that he made the right decision. Just before the red beam enveloped him in a massive explosion, Commander Shepard threw his head back, held his arms out at his sides and whispered, "I love you Tali. Keelah se'lei."


End file.
